Rejected Dialogue

From Eve:

Scully: Looks like someone was afraid she might remember too much.
Mulder: Someone or something.
Scully: Good thing you're so cute, because you are a huge pain in my ass.

(Scully and the evil, evil, evil twins wait for Mulder by the car.)
Scully's thoughts: This is what it would be like if Mulder and I were married. Drinking poisoned sodas at a truck stop by the side of a highway, unaware that our incredibly intelligent, super-strong children are trying to kill us.

From Triangle:

Scully: Save your own head, sir. You'll save your ass along with it. (She stomps out the other door. Skinner sits back down at this desk and goes back to searching the Personals.)
Skinner (typing): Tall Hot Baldy Looking for Gruff, Blue-Eyed Former Cop.

From Within/Without:

Scully: What do you want to get on me, Agent Doggett?
Doggett: Me.

From Patience:

(D/S in car, after 9 hours staking out Stefoniuk)
Doggett: I'm no Fox Mulder.
Scully: I'll say. He'd be back at the hotel, watching porn & jacking off by now.

From Roadrunners:

Doggett shows Scully's "missing" photo to cultists
Doggett: You sure you haven't seen her?
Cultist: We get so few visitors, we remember each one pretty well.
Doggett: All right. Thanks for your time. Hey, by the way, your house is on fire.

Cuttin' out the Slug scene:
Scully: Argh! Just do it, Doggett!
Doggett: (puzzled) I thought you wanted me to cut this slug out first.

From Per Manum:

Haskill: They killed her. (He then says that Anne gave birth to an alien.)
Scully: I thought your wife was murdered.
Haskill: That's why they killed her.
Doggett: Y'all are whack.

Scully: Nothing strange?
Parenti: Why do you ask?
Scully: Because I have no idea how I got knocked up, and I'm surrounded by women just like me who are giving birth to aliens.

From Medusa:

Dr Lyle: "There was a puddle 20 yards back."
Doggett: "Okay, who didn't go before we left?"

Doggett: "It's the middle of winter. How come it's so hot down here?"
Dr Lyle: "From where I'm standing, I'd say that ass of yours has something to do with it"

From This is Not Happening/DeadAlive:

Rejected dialogue/scene:
Skinner: (talking with his secretary about Scully's travel plans) Agent Scully will be traveling with us. "Us" meaning "me and my red-hot lover, the raging gay yang to my repressed gay yin, Agent John Doggett"

(Scully asks if Theresa has any "foreign objects" implanted anywhere in her body.)
Doctor: No, Freakshow. Aren't the holes drilled through her cheeks enough for you people?

Scully: "Agent Doggett, however I felt about you when we first met, you changed my opinion. With the quality of your character and of your work. Now I am thankful to know you and I am thankful for your concern..."
Doggett: "I'm sorry - this sounds like a big F***-off to me."

Skinner: Did you get the vaccine?
Doggett: Listen to me. You weren't wrong. He wasn't to be trusted.
(Skinner walks away)
Doggett (yelling after him): Can't you see that I'm in love with you?

From Three Words:

Mulder: "You son of a bitch! You set me up!"
Doggett: "You smoke some weird tastin' pot in that spaceship, buddy?"

Absalom: "On your knees, John Doggett."
Doggett: "Be gentle, though."

Generic White Guy: Give it to the President.
(Inscribed on the disc in black sharpie are the words "Fight the Future.")
Head Guard Guy: Hey, I saw that movie.

Mulder: Does he know what he's doing, this guy?
Scully (paraphrasing a bit): He is above reproach. He is being maneuvered, just like everyone else.
Skinner: I'd like to maneuver Doggett right into -- er, never mind.

(Mulder has a hunch that Stupid Census Guy was killed because he knew too much.)
Scully: Mulder, you make this sound like this is a conspiracy.
Mulder: Duh.
Skinner: You're paranoid.
Mulder: Do you even know me?

From Vienen:

Mulder: "Did Kersh catch you peeing in his cornflakes?"
Doggett: "No. Scully caught me peeing in yours."

Mulder: "Did Kersh catch you peeing in his cornflakes?"
Doggett: "Don't tempt me..."

Guy on rig: "Knocked the cock of a gas value"
(Mulder and Doggett both wince)
Mulder: "Ouch"
Doggett: "Like you have to worry. You don't have one!"

Doggett:(sarcastic) "So this oil is gonna take over my body? When's it gonna kick in?"
Mulder: "Not before I kick your ass"

REJECTED DIALOGUE/SCENE:
When JJD and FWM are seen coming out of the water.
Doggett (looks down)
Mulder: "Hey, that water was *cold*! Don't you know about *shrinkage*?"

Mulder: And you'd like to help, but you left your light saber at home.
Doggett: Yes. Skinner is in charge of where I put my light saber.

Doggett: Who's coming?
Not Curly (in Spanish): The flying ships.
Doggett: Dude, not this again. I should have stayed in Lebanon.

Rejected dialogue in paraphrase:
Mulder calmly explains that he's taking the fall. But, he says, Doggett has credibility. And Mulder wants Doggett to use that power for good, not for evil.

From Empedocles:

Nurse Lady to Doggett: Are you the husband?
Doggett to Nurse Lady: Anything's possible.

From Alone:

Leyla Harrison: "I don't understand. Why would he want to keep us down here?"
Doggett: "You're lunch and I'm dinner."

Leyla Harrison: "You think I'm pretty foolish, don't you?"
Doggett: "Yeah, I do. Now shut yer face about Mulder and Scully. We've got our own problems here."

Mulder: "Fire at the sound of my voice!"
Doggett (without hesitation) BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM
(ok, that wasn't "dialogue", but you get my drift. :)

Doggett (after shooting toward Mulder): "Agent Mulder... Agent Mulder!"
Mulder: "I'm right here, Agent Doggett."
Doggett: "Damn! Missed ya!"

An excerpt from the travel expense reports mentioned in this episode:
Breakfast with alien abductee: $15.78. Gas: $19.23. Getting anally probed: Priceless.

Scully (on cellphone): Is it true?
Skinner: Hi. I'm fine, thanks. How was Lamaze?

(Scully says that she has always had someone to watch her back, but now Doggett doesn't have anyone)
Mulder (assuring her that Doggett can take care of himself): He's a big boy.
Scully (dreamily): Yes...he is...

Mulder: He's a big boy.
Scully: Well, I suppose you would know...

From Essence/Existence:

Scully to Reyes: What do the vibrations tell you?
Reyes: That we're fucked.

When Crane & Knowle are advancing on Doggett in the hall.
Doggett: I'm prepared to use force!
Doggett: Fuck it! *Runs*

Scene: Reyes is looking at Scully.
Reyes: You're incredibly beautiful, Scully.
Scully: You are so full of shit.

Mulder: He looks suspiciously like Assistant Director Skinner.
Scully: *GASP!* Walter told you????

Doggett: "We wanna know what you're doin' here, Doctor Purr-rent-TAY... I mean Purr-rent-TEE... I mean Purrenni... Aw, fuck it. What the hell are you doin' here?"

Skinner (in SUV, to Doggett): "Knock him off!"
Doggett: "Hell no! I *like* bein' *inside* the vehicle for these kinda fights!"

Scully: "I named him after you."
Mulder: "You named him Fox?"
Scully: "No... Spooky." ~adhock

By an M/S shipper at DFHB:
Mulder: "Well, we both know the truth."
Scully: "What is the truth?"
Mulder: "I dunno, let me shove my tongue down your throat, maybe it's down there."

From Nothing Important Happened Today/ II:

Reyes: You just want to get John Doggett.
Follmer: Oh, and you don't?

Follmer: I wouldn't have thought John Doggett would be thrown off so easily.
Reyes: I wouldn't know. I've never tried to `throw' him off.

Follmer: Don't get me wrong. I'm a friend to the X-Files.
Doggett: We had a friend like that last year. His name was Kersh.

Doggett: I'm lookin' for Mulder.
Scully: Are you sure you're in the right season?

Dana: How did everything go today, mom?
Mrs Scully: Well, a super soldier who said she knew you but wouldn't leave her name came to the door but when I opened it and checked outside, she had already left. I thought that was rude. Oh yeah, and William has all of his teeth now and growled something that sounded like, "Die, bitch, die!" accompanied by this music that sounded like Latin evil religious chanting but then he pooped in his diaper so I didn't pay much attention to it.

Follmer: Trust me, I had it illustrated by Mr. Doggett himself, in the Deputy Director's office today.
Reyes: Really? I don't see any bruises.

Doggett: You lookin' just to get me fired, or get me killed?
Kersh: Yes.

Doggett: You held me down. I remember.
Shannon: I don't hear you complaining.

Oh no, the ship is blowing up! Let's go hide behind this car full of gas. ~Circe

Unrejected Dialogue:
Willie: "Wahhh!!!! Whaaaaahhhhh!!! WhaaaaHHHHH!!" ~Jewlz!

From Daemonicus:

Cadet: You ever slay a vampire?
Scully: No, but I can autopsy a mouthy cadet in two hours flat.

Doctor Samson: He's been calling for Agent Doggett for the last hour.
Reyes: Hell, I've been calling for John for years, and it hasn't helped me.

Scully [after touching Doggett's arm gently to get his attention]: I know what you're feeling...
Doggett: Am I pitchin' a tent *that* big?

Scully: Agent Reyes is trying to get to the truth. What are you doing?
Doggett: Tryin' to get to you...

From 4-D:

Doggett: Pull the plug.
Reyes: I would do anything for you. Anything but that.
Doggett: OK, I'll fake cardiac arrest and get Scully to do CPR on me. Same outcome.

Reyes: What did Lukesh say (about the shooting)?
Skinner: He said he heard a bang.
Reyes: John and I were *not* banging that loud.

Reyes: I haven't understood one single word since I got here.
Scully: <sighs> Okay, let's try whale songs then, shall we?

Doggett: I brought you a house-warming gift.
Reyes: Aww, you shouldn't have. The bed is right over the-... <annoyed> What's in that stupid paper bag?

Follmer: (shouting) Doggett! He's got a gun!
Doggett: Stop whining. Mine's bigger. Ask Scully.

From Lord of the Flies:

Rocky: Y'know, when a male and female [couldn't understand this] fly mate, they stay joined for up to one and a half hours. One...and a half...hours!
Scully: I'm sure John and I can beat that record...

Natalie [talking to fly boy]: I wish I could just turn back time. I wish I could just...find a way! [If you're a fan of Cher, you'll probably understand that] :)

[Doggett and Reyes are squating by Winkie et al's flipped car]
Reyes: You stay.
Doggett: Oooo...will you give me a milkbone if I do?

Doggett: (to Scully) Thanks for coming so quickly.
Reyes: (bursts out laughing)

Scully: So what is it you want me to look at here?
Doggett: My polish sausage.

("Spanish Fly Discussion"):
Doggett: I glance in for amusement.
Reyes: You know, Mulder's video collection may still be on sale.

Scully: Dr. Bronzino...
Rocky: Rocky.
Doggett: Alright, dude. The name's T-1000. Wanna step outside?

From Trust No 1:

Scully: You said I had to trust someone, right?
Doggett: I meant *me*!

Rejected Ep Title: Trust No One except the disguised voice on the phone who has you switch vehicles and change clothes in the middle of nowhere.

Shadow Man: Mulder has to die. Mulder or your son.
Scully: Why?
Shadow Man: We can't afford to pay David's salary demands and the kid's, too.

Mulder: I want to come home. To you...
Scully: But John just moved his stuff *in*.

Rejected tagline: They're Watching... `Alias'.

Rejected tagline: Scully has a baby and loses 40 intelligence points. ~Nancy

Rejected Ep Title: "Throw Mulder from the Train." ~D.G. Porter

Rejected Ep Title: Trust No 1, especially the wonderful, practically perfect man who was your partner for a year, who put his life on the line for your quest, who saved your life and that of your BECU, who wants nothing more than to see you happy ~Lisa K.

Rejected e-mailing:
I am physically shaking right now, seeing your words, wishing it was you speaking them to me. I want so badly to see you, too, but you are still not safe here. PS - Pick up some Chubby Hubby on the way back from the market. Love, Polly Purseypants.

Page Two

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