"Future Hunters" Usually I try to keep an open mind when watching movies. I am hesitant to pass judgment until I've seen the entire film. But in this case I think I am willing to make an exception. This is because usually the movies I see, no matter how bad they are, hold at least some promise. Maybe they started out with a good premise and simply failed to do it justice. Take, for example, "The Only Thrill". I stuck with that movie until the bitter end (both literally and figuratively) because, as bored as I was, I believed that it would eventually get better. This is not a problem, however, with "Future Hunters" since it holds *no* promise of getting any better. Actually, this makes it a lot less painful to watch! Unless, of course, you start thinking about the people who actually paid money to film it... Okay...plot. Um...actually, I have no idea what the heck the plot was, so I'm gonna steal Anne B's (Rpcrazy) description here: "in 2025AD Matthew (Richard Norton) finds the spear of Longinus. It must be joined with its sheath to end the reign of evil by ruthless dictators. Matthew goes back in time to 1986 with the spear to search for the sheath. After being shot he tells Slade (Robert Patrick) and Slade's girlfriend, the whole story. They go on the quest, at their own peril, to find the sheath." Not that the plot is really important, but I figure it will make the review a little easier to understand. Here are some of the random thoughts I had while watching this movie: /Dear lord, I'm only 2 minutes into the movie and it already sucks! Okay, maybe if I just don't take it seriously and pretend that it was made in the days before good special effects...or good writers... My god, this music is awful! Why does Robert Patrick suddenly remind me of John Travolta? Come to think of it, the sound effects are horrible too... This movie looks like a high school drama class project. Only the plot is not as good and makes less sense. [Slain's girlfriend whatshername: "He's dead! Slain, he's dead! Oh my God, he's dead!"] Oh, brilliant dear, you should be a doctor... This must be one of the movies Robert was referring to when he said he had done a lot worse than "Striptease". This movie is actually making me nostalgic for "True Romance"! :::shudder::: [Whatshername to Slain: "How do you like your coffee? With or without company?"] Hmm...the dialogue is getting a little better at least... [Slain: "Damn it, they've got guns!"] Oops, moment over... End of notes./ The movie does have a couple moments of respite. In one scene, Slain is challenged by a Chinese Kung Fu Master. His translator (I have no idea where he came from) warns him to be careful. Slain responds "Relax, I was in the Marines!" Then he gets his ass kicked. This is followed by semi-interesting (if you like martial arts) fighting between the translator and the Master, but I honestly have no idea what the point of this entire sequence is. In fact, no scene in this movie seems to have any direct effect on the next. It jumps randomly from one location to another without any explanation. Timelines seem to be just as scattered. We are told the date is 1986, but at one point one of the 'bad guys' seems to be talking to Hitler. Nothing makes any sense. I'm not even sure if it's *supposed* to... Even the character's voices are inconsistent! If you listen carefully, all of the Chinese guys seem to switch voices every few minutes. A fan of Robert Patrick's said once that even if he is in a bad movie, his acting will bring at least some quality to it. Guess what? It's not true. If a movie is bad enough, all the actors in it are dragged down to its level. Even if they are Oscar- winning (which nobody in this movie was that I know of). I actually found this movie to be interesting. Not in terms of plot, but I didn't know movies this bad even existed! I guess you could say I've led a sheltered life...this was a new experience for me. I read a book by Roger Ebert recently titled "I hated, hated HATED this movie!" In the foreword, he says that he is not proud of all the smartass remarks he makes in the book. I don't know what he was talking about - I'm having a blast! Of course, I *am* a smartass by nature... ~Diandra Hollman